October 6, 2008
Some More of Reality
For several reasons I like to occasionally post about the realities of adoption. One being that I don't want people who are in process to get that fairy tale picture (I was blessed to be around those who had internationally adopted and appreciated their honesty) and so that no one thinks we are 'all that' and have it all together and so that God gets the glory of helping us through the tough things.
Some things that we are currently dealing with...
-- Ab's jealousy of Rachel (my 8yr old) I wasn't prepared for this. I had geared up for the kids to be jealous of him, but not the other way around. He constantly measures himself up to her and checks to see what she is doing or has.
--His need or desire for everything to be exactly fair. From the trinkets you pick up at Goodwill to a handful of snacks. Everything is counted by him. We are trying to teach him that life is not always fair. Sometimes you get more, sometimes you get less.
--He and Rachel trying to boss each other...all the time....they both want to be in charge!
--Each day he is beginning to act out more and more. alot of questioning of boundaries. I feel like I am saying no all the time! Then trying to figure out what he understands and what he is ignoring!
--I feel guilty or 'bad' when I am disciplining him. He has been through so much. I KNOW that I have to discipline him or otherwise there are consequences. But that doesn't make my heart quit aching.
--He wants to go through everything. He is always opening drawers, closets, mail...whatever he can peek into!
--trying to homeschool 3 other children while he is wanting to be entertained. need I say more?
--He wants to be with me ALL the time. My lap is his favorite place... He kisses and hugs me all day long. Like every 5 minutes or so. I KNOW that this is a GOOD thing...but it still makes my body long to have a little space! If he is not with me, he puts on a major pout! Example of 'The Pout' below: :)
Please don't take this post the wrong way. I love the boy fiercely. It's just there are real adjustments and things to deal with along the way. All the while you are dealing with insecurities, teaching english, and helping them in their grief. Even so, I would start the process again in a heartbeat.
God is teaching us so much about His unconditional love and patience.
How many times have I had that same pouty look toward God??
How many times have I pushed God's boundaries?
How many times have I competed with my brothers and sisters in Christ ?
How many times have I been jealous of people?
How many times am I bossy?
How many times do I want to take a peek at things that God places off-limits?
How many times have I wanted things to be fair?
How often do I just want to be entertained?
And the BIG question: How many times have I wanted to crawl into God's lap today and tell him that I love Him?