March 17, 2009

A Big Surprise

We had a big surprise this past week. Ab has now been home 7 months. It seems like so much longer and yet so much shorter at the same time. Not sure if that even makes sense!

He has been praying fervently the last several weeks for his family. That God would heal his mother's leg and help his father find work. I encourage this and am touched by it.

Greg went out of town last week and while he was gone Ab and I had a talk about lying and in the middle of that we talked about what he was 'thinking in his heart'. That 's what he calls it. I do this so I can see what may be causing him to misbehave or act out. Well, one statement caused to me ask some questions and I found out that he had been thinking that if his mom's leg did get better and his dad did find work, that he could go back home to Ethiopia! That broke my heart for him. I was shocked. I pulled him onto my lap and we talked about why he came to America (re-enforcing what his parents told him) and how much they love him and how much we love him. I validated his feelings of the unfairness and told him he has been so brave during all of this.

I then had to break the news that he wouldn't ever go back and live with them. It nearly killed me to do this but I felt that I had to be honest and I didn't want him to have a false hope. He looked away and began to tear up and then sucked it all in and looked at me and said 'I'm fine'. Fine?? How in the world can he be fine?? I held him for a while hoping that he would just let loose and bawl, throw a fit, whatever he needed to do to work through it. But he just hopped up and went to play.

He prayed that night and thanked God that he had 2 moms and 2 dads.

He began to pull out his picture books again of Ethiopia and look at them. He goes through stages doing this. He did fine all this week and hubby and I went somewhere on Sunday night while Bekah stayed home (which is usually fine, he is very bonded to her and loves her dearly). While we were gone, Bekah called and said he was sobbing. We talked to to him and he just said he missed his mom and dad and them caring for him. We came home and talked some more and encouraged him that it was okay to be sad and okay to cry.

Please pray that we will have wisdom and know what to say and what not to say. We have received more letters from Ethiopia, one from his best friend and one from his family. (which I love being in contact with) but we are waiting a bit until his feelings aren't so raw to read them to him.

5 comments:

  1. oh so hard, isn't it? Aleena has expressed things in similiar fashion to your Ab. She believes her dad, my husband, could just work in Ethiopia during the day and we could go there (and see birth family) and then come back home(here in America)afterward. I too have asked some questions I wasn't so sure about but in hindsight am glad i did. Aleena has forgotten all but one memory of Ethiopia. She only has one left...and has been home 19 months. I struggle with how to feel about that. I think it was good that you were honest with him and I can feel the pain you experienced in doing so. Isn't adoption and the journey that follows it so very much different than you could have expected? So very difficult.
    In prayer with lv,
    jen in mi

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  2. Oh my - that breaks my heart!! Poor guy - I'm sure its just so confusing for him. I'll be praying for your family.

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  3. It sounds as if God IS giving you wisdom and I know He will continue. I admire the way you're handling it all. It seems like he's making progress. It's neat that he was praying and thanking God for 2 sets of parents.

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  4. Your little boy's heart just melts mine! What tenderness and innocence to want to fix the pain! Wow, may God give you the patience and devotion to love this child - and he is lucky to have 2 moms and 2 dads that love him THAT much!!
    Kala

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  5. Thosts are really hard, but you handled it very well. God chose this path for him and it really is for the best.

    Praying for you all. Thanks again for praying for Abby.

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