February 28, 2012

Say WHAT?

In my experience, adopting has somehow put a HUGE sticker on my forehead that says “go ahead…tell me what you think” Now, I know this is not the case for everyone. I don’t know if it’s my area or my persona or what.

But..I have had some crazy questions/comments. Some downright stupid/ignorant ones. that usually leave me looking like this:

wishing I had some type of good answer to give. instead I mumble something and walk away and get a great response about an hour later. (but I am keeping them all in my head to use one day when I can remember them)

Curious I don’t mind (though I do wish you’d ask me when I am not with my children) Stupid ones I tend to get irritated at.

A darling friend posted on facebook today that a stranger asked her

"Where did you get him and how much does something like that cost?"

While she was WITH her son. a precious beautiful boy who has suffered great loss.

Seriously. What in the world. That’s not curious. That’s just plain stupid.

Now…I haven’t been asked something like that…(thank God) but I have been subjected to this:

I have been asked by strangers “so…his momma’s dead?” Yes, in front of both my boys. The baby may not understand yet, but the older one sure does.

I’ve been asked “so his mother just went off and left him, didn’t she (and then enter tsk tsk)” and yes, again..in FRONT of my sons.

My eldest Ethiopian has been told countless times “You’re so lucky.” Really?  Think about his life for a moment…if all that happened to you..before the age of 6. Would you really consider yourself lucky?

I’ve been told several times that it’s great I have one ‘so young’ so they won’t have much baggage or issues and I can raise them right…..while my ‘older one’ is right across the room playing. (and just so you know…babies can also have issues/baggage…there is no guarantee just because they are young. The trauma that they have at an early age during their formative years can leave big wounds as well) 

And you know, quite frankly. I had a lot of baggage/issues when Greg married me. I am very thankful that he wasn’t looking for a perfect blank slate.

I’ve also been asked the age old question of “Why not in the U.S.?” time and again…

And..I’m not even going into the race stuff. That’s a whole other issue for another day.

So…a public service announcement.

Please keep those thoughts to yourself.

Especially when my boys are there.

As my friend said “they can hear!!”

If you are truly curious about our lives and adoption and how we got here and how it works…..feel free to chat with me.

Those who know me well, know that it’s one of my favorite things to talk about.

But let’s do it when my boys aren’t present.

Please?

Adoptive friends…I’d love for you to share some of those crazy things you have been told….and your thoughts.  Use anonymous if you need to!  :)

4 comments:

  1. My personal favorites are:

    1. (When people find out Justin is my first cousin's biological son) "Oh, he's really family, then?" SERIOUSLY, people?! Does that mean my biological sons are more family than he is, because the relationship is more distant? I just shake my head.

    2. "I could never do that." Okay. So, that means you would leave the malnourished, neglected, developmentally delayed child with his meth-addicted parents? Do they realize what that says about them as people? You never know what you can or will do until you are put into that situation. Don't limit God, and don't shut the door to opportunities you may have to change a life because you only see limitations. God is bigger than that.

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    1. Dana..yea I hear you. and I get the "I could never do that" so much (with adoption and homeschooling) My response? "Yes you could. If God told you too. Yes you could." I am amazed at what I have discovered we could do and go through--with God as our strength. Only Him. and I for one am so thankful that you 'did that' for your sweet son's sake.

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  2. *sigh*...I have come to learn that many people mean well but have no filters...the worst is when they ask things right in front of our children...I have many examples and actually wrote a post on it not too long ago:

    http://emariestar.blogspot.com/2011/11/psa-from-adoptive-mommas-heart.html

    Oh, and I am right there with you about being caught off guard and not knowing how to respond when I am put on the spot! I always stammer and give more information than I wish I would have...my problem is that I want to be humble and Christ-like, but I also want to protect my children...I still can't come up with responses that don't give away too much personal information without sounding mean... :/

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    1. yes friend! me too. I always want to share my thoughts..but so worry about offending others...and then I feel like it's my boys that get offended or hurt in the process because I don't stand up for them!

      Loved your post. I do get the 'are they real brothers' from those who don't us and and cost question. And you wrote from your heart so much better than I did! LOVED it.

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