This past week I had one of those eye opening moments reading comments on our local paper’s website. I am hoping that they were just one person’s ramblings—but I am afraid that is not.
The story was about a 38 yr old man going to jail for having a relationship with a 14 yr old girl that started when she was 13. 13 years old, friends.
There were lots of comments doubting the parental ability of the mother, what the child was like, and bets on whether the girl was black or white (the 38 yr old man was black).
Which led me to make this comment:
Let's not make judgments unless you know the family and situation. You have no idea otherwise. This was a 13 yr old girl...who was taken advantage of by a 38 man. Real men DO NOT have sex with 13 yr olds. I am not sure why her color is even coming into it..it doesn't matter if she was white/black/hispanic/asian. It is wrong.
Which then led to this ‘gentleman’ telling me that he disagreed with many of my points. And that basically she had made a decision, and that girls this age used to have many responsibilities including getting married. And that we treat our young adults like kids way too long and that “I am not in favor of treating 13-18 year olds like innocent sheep to be cared for”
I had to step away because I was furious and was going to make dumb remarks like “remind me to keep my 12 yr old away from you” Yea, mature debate was going to happen.
But seriously…Yes.. a 13 yr old should have responsibilities..and yes, they used to have a lot more and were married and had children younger ‘back then’ but I am not really in favor of going back to that—just because that’s how it ‘used to be done’ doesn’t mean that it was best or that it was right. Do I believe we baby kids sometimes and that they should have more responsibility—Yes, but this does not make what this man did right. We used to do a lot of things. I don’t think that’s an valid argument.
A 13 yr old cannot get their ears pierced on their own. They can’t get an immunization at my doctor’s office without my permission. Why? Because they are not an adult. Can they make decisions? yes, of course they can. But they do not always have the experience and judgment to make GOOD ones. Add in some hurt and lots of other things and you have a CHILD that is easily taken advantage of.
One person commented that he was being treated more harshly because of his age. Um. Yes. HE. KNEW. BETTER.
Even if there is some physical attraction..you walk away---because she is a child.
It just really saddened me that this was thought to be okay. That it was thought to be just as much the girl’s fault as his. and that the mom was being drug over the coals without the commenters even knowing who she was or her story. They had NO IDEA.
What happened to looking after those who are younger and more inexperienced? What happened to protecting vulnerable girls? Maybe that is treating them like ‘innocent sheep’ but what else should we do? throw them to the wolves?
I still stand and say..IT IS WRONG. Real men do not have sex with 13 yr old girls.