February 24, 2013

Dealing with Death

It’s been a little over 2 months since my dad went home to God.  Some days it seems like that night was forever ago and other days it seems like it was just last night. Some days I know that he is gone. Other days it just seems like it isn’t real.  A paradox of emotions and thoughts.

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2 months to begin to process all that has happened. I have a couple of suggestions or comments that I’d like to share from what we have experienced.

Suggestions for you!

#1) Sit down soon and talk with your special people and let them know what your wishes and desires are. about everything. WRITE IT DOWN. If there are special things you want for people to have—write it down.

#2) Put everything together that someone would need in the event of your death in a specific place. You don’t think about it..and think that you have so long before something could happen. But you never know. This is on my list to do pronto.

Here are some examples of what to have in a notebook here:

http://www.todaysletters.com/2010/08/notebook-tutorial.html

Suggestions for others:

#3) Don’t start making a list of what you want and let it be known that you want it. Don’t take things without permission (whether you had given them as a gift or not)  Wait for the family to bring it up. They are still processing the fact that someone is gone and giving away (or selling) special personal items is not even in their mind yet.

#4) Do not volunteer to be a pallbearer weeks before a person dies. Seriously.

#5) Do not criticize how people handle the funeral and the remains—especially if you aren’t family. Just don’t go there. If you don’t like it, that’s fine, you have free will to do what you want when your family member dies.

What has been the best help?

People who just be with you. 

God sent angels that night in the form of a couple of older men who just put a loving warm hand on my back as I said goodbye.  People who helped days after by cleaning and driving for us. People who ran errands. People who brought meals and told us they were praying.  People who called and said “I am here. anytime. just call me.”  and called again to repeat that.

My favorite? 

People who shared their stories of my dad. Of fun times. of laughter. of things he did that I didn’t know about. That’s what makes the hard times easier. 

Just some thoughts from a daughter who is missing her daddy.

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